The words personal growth and personal development came into my world 3 years ago. I truly had no idea people intentionally worked on themselves. I thought we just, are as we are. I had joined a company that suggested personal development. So after doing some research, I started with youtube videos and man was I hooked!! Then that led to books about personal development, podcasts and conferences. I loved it and felt like I was headed in the right direction, felt in a "flow" for a while, it was beautiful and amazing.
A year after being on my personal development journey, life threw me a curve ball. Then a few more curve balls.. and then a few more. I felt shattered, broken and completely lost. The amount of emotions and thoughts that were surfacing, were new to me and they all came at once. Thankfully I had a small foundation of personal development under my belt, or else I am not sure how things would have turned out.
I had a very difficult time (and still do; it's a process) trying to express what was going on in my mind and heart during that time.. so I turned to art. I sketched out things that I needed to get out, to release some of these emotions piling up.
Some drawings, were me dreaming of a light at the end of the dark tunnel I was stuck in. Some were from a source of pain I needed to get out.
During this time I would tell myself certain things to help me get through the day, and sometimes I would come across a quote that just spoke to my soul in a much needed way, so I saved them. After going to a personal growth seminar that I had to drag myself to, because my motivation was at an all time low and dreaming for myself felt like the last thing I wanted to do, but I went anyway!
At this conference she asked us to dream for ourselves. What did we want to do, for ourselves. Me.. dream for my self!? A totally new concept! I am a recovering people pleaser so this kind of caught me off guard! Although I knew I was going to a personal growth conference, I really didn't put much thought into it at all except for how much I didn't want to go! So I sat for a few moments and then as if someone was whispering to my soul the thought 'make your affirmation cards' came to my mind.
I kind of laughed at myself for a second..."like ya who would buy my cards!?...."why would your art from being sad and hurt help others!?... "you never complete the things you start"... "what if they fail"... "what if people think I am weird"... "what if I have to tell me story"... "what if I can't handle the pain of remembering why I drew what I did"... the list goes on for a long while.
I got home from the conference and three months later I was sitting at my kitchen table and that same thought came to my mind as if someone were whispering to my soul again 'make your affirmation cards'....
Long story short, I decided to make them! I decided I would make them for myself as a way to stay busy and heal and cope and to prove, to myself, I do finish the things I start. To have some affirmations in hand to help me through my day.
Once the cards were made, and I had them in my hand... Oh man I remember the day, it wasn't spring yet but it wasn't too cold either. I held them in my hand for a few moments and sat down on my semi cold cement steps, I cried before I even opened the box. I finally got the courage to open the box and hold my art in affirmation card form. I was so freaking proud of myself and in that moment I realized that these cards were a bigger deal than I led myself to believe. I used these cards for a few days, drawing a card at random each day. Then I shared them with friends and family.
The more I shared them the more I realized they had the potential to help others just as much as they were helping me and the more and more stories I hear the more I realize all the pain and healing that went into making these decks was worth it!
I continue to heal and grow each day and hope these cards and art can bring some light into someone else's day. Even if it's just a reminder that they are healing not broken.